Epic Christmas Party (Part II)

:D:D:D i mean, it was good! other than the fact that i had an argument with my mom...-__-
Insidious wasn't actually that scary.
Manhunt was tho.
It was c-c-old.
I'm glad Bryan liked my gift. I feel accomplished. Last year Byron no like my gift >.<
Of course, the party lost some of the excitement partially due to the fact that my parents were there AND due to the fact that the seniors '11 weren't there :( i really miss them! good thing they're coming back to visit this week, prolly. yeahh christmas break! <3
Okay, now I have to focus on SATs 'til february. byebye social life :'(

AWKWARDD..

The awkward moment when you're trying to avoid someone you don't like but you fail miserably...

Admiration.

So like in history we're learning about WWII. It's actually quite intriguing! I find it to be a very interesting subject to the point where Iactually PAY attention in class for the first time.
I mean-- is it wrong? Is it wrong that I admire the Facist German leader, himself? His leadership abilities though very tyrannical, seem to impress me in various ways. I know that he's done so many horrible things to innocet people who didn't deserve it at all...but idk.
Maybe it's his odd love story. I find it kind of..inspiring. Eva Braun's loyalty kind of touched me.
Even evil people can fall in love and actually care about someone. It comes across to me as somewhat beautiful.
Personally, I think I'm going insane.

Decisions, Decisions...

I'd hate to admit it but it's the time of year...
marching band is over and i see people i used to see A LOT less.
So the question is should I get attached? I mean, the fact that I'll see people a lot less...that means I'm at a disadvantage already. I kind of am really starting to like him. Now the season's over...it's just that. I don't want it to fall apart. I feel like now we have less and less to talk about...I'm scared. I don't want to let go...but I don't want to get attached either if it's going to fall apart...I don't know what I want. I just wish..I just wish that it could work out. I don't want to be alone anymore.

What's going on...

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
Anna, what's happening to me? :x

Behind These Twinkling Eyes...

#Here I am, once again. I'm totally into pieces. Can't deny it, can't pretend. Just thought you were the one. Broken up deep inside.

No tears tho.

I loved him first, you stupid bitch.

Dis gurl needs to go.
freshman. omfg. I CANT EVEN...

Jealousy Level Increasingly Rapidly.

#Angela Status.
I've officially become extremely jealous.
I'm turning into Angela, OMG O.O
This is really bad.
But I can't help it,
I'm still mad jealous.
I'm not happy about this.
I'm not happy at all.
I get a break, and it only lasts for 1 day.
But then again, fate came in again and fixed it all.

// When is it my turn to be happy?

BETTER AND READY TO GOO.

I can't believe they would close up my hole if I don't get my dr's note fixed. close my holee? BUT IM THE SECTION LEADER. noooo D: ! so yeah, gotta go fix that.
Anyway, the fever/cough is pretty much gone. Having pneumonia & mono at the same time was just a pain. STaying at the hospital for 6 days was even worse. Every 4 hours, nurses have to come in and check your blood pressure/oxygen level and temperature. It was such a drag. I couldn't even sleep. But the worst definitely has to be the fact that I had to get a blood test every other day. It hurt a lot ahhh :x maybe it was all psychological? lawl. Anyway, my section gave me a cute stuffed dog. [oversized] <3 thank you mellos. LUB YOU. c: after all, we have all of next year..right? Then my bestfrand got people to sign a card. This really contributed to my recovery. The happiness...words cannot describe it. :D

Sick, Sick..go away.

I've been sick for 5 days now. This fever keeps coming back every 4-5 hours. I take tylenol but it just won't go away. I went to the doctor's twice this week and she's prescribing me with all these different pills. I really, really wish that I can better tonight so that I can go back to school tomorrow. I can't afford to miss anymore school days. I don't want to stay home anymore..it's boring and lonely. I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel like the world stopped moving. Please. Go away.

Jar of Hearts.

"Who do you think you are, running 'round leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts...tearing love apart." "YOU'RE GONNA CATCH A COLD FROM THE ICE INSIDE YOUR SOUL."

Stop playing hard-to-get. I don't have time for this crap.

No Longer Confused.

I think I know what I want to do now. I'm going to stick with the original plan. No more distractions. No more alterations. I'm going to continue on my way. That one text just made me see the light. Even though it's going to be hard, even though it's going to require a lot more effort...the original plan is the path for me.


...Seniors Nostalgia T.T
I miss you guise...like a lot. Let me go back to freshman year please? There's a lot of things that I have to clean up.

Confused.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I want. I'm really confused and really wish that I could be more decisive and make the RIGHT choice. I don't want to make a mistake and then regret it forever. I have to choose carefully and consider the rewards or consequences of my choice. Hmm. What to do...

MOVES LIKE JAGGER.

Did I mention that this is like the best song everrrr..?
"Look into my eyes, and I'll own you." ;)
YEAAAH it's #1 on the 2011 BILLBOARD list right now.
A few things, since I haven't updated this since I made my new tumblr account ;;

-I'm finally 16..WAHOO :D my birthday was alright~ I was somewhat satisfied.
-Not much has changed really...I just miss the seniors T.T
-I am determined. I will talk to him.
-SATS this year....ohhhnooooo... ;_;
-GET TUMBLR FAMOUS (spare time...err.)

AGAIN?! Really...

I can't believe it's happening again. Last year the same thing happened which caused me to change my mind. Now when I finally decide to go back, it's starts to happen again! Why am I soo unlucky? Why can't these gurls just chill? Why can't it be like volleyball..you call out "MINE!" and everyone backs off? Ugh. Of course I am once again not at an advantage. We're still not friends (surprisingly...) I really don't know what to do anymore lol. I mean I'll try talking to him but I'm deathly afraid that I'll annoy him or run out of things to say. This is what's holding me back, mostly.
I'm glad that my other two friends are happy in their relationship thoughh :D
I just wonder sometimes..when is it going to be my turn? 0.o
BTW, I LIKED HIM FIRST. D:<

THE PRINCE'S TALE. ♥

BEWARE: MY RANT.
Severus Snape has always been my favorite character. I think Alan Rickman did an AMAZING job of portraying him and he should DEFINITELY get an Oscar for that! "If he doesn't, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering what good acting is." He was so amazing at it that I was tearing endlessly. After watching it a second time on youtube and seeing some of the posts on Tumblr, I completely broke down. This is the most beautiful type of love ever...even though it was UNFORTUNATELY, unrequited. </3 Snape is such a beautiful character and the moment I saw the light leave his eyes it just completely killed me. When he was holding dead Lily...my tears spoke the words that I could not say. It was so beautiful and yet very very tragic and heartbreaking. If only she knew...
I really hoep that JK Rowling will write a sequel about how Harry will get the socercer's stone and then he'll see the encounter between his mother and Snape. I personally am DYING to meet Alan Rickman and give him a hug despite the fact that he's 65 and I'm like 15. LULZ. But honestly, he did an AMAZING FANTASTIC OUTSTANDING job. I can't even think of any more positive adjectives I can use to describe his incredible acting ability. It's a pity he doesn't have any children..how will his generation continue?! -sigh- just like how Snape's family went extinct :(
 I still canNOT believe that he got sorted into Slytherin. This is completely, outright WRONG! He was 10x braver than James Potter. So yeah he was extremely ambitious and showed in interest in dark arts, but he was soo brave, extremely loyal, and VERY talented. Snape doesn't fit into one house, he fits into ALL the houses combined due to the fact that he had every single quality. And as for Lily...she should've DEFINITELY gave him a second chance. I HOPE in their afterlife, she'll figure this out and forgive him and love him. JK Rowling should definitely write about that or I'll be forever incomplete. I think it was really nice of Harry to approach Snape right before he died and try to save him even though it's evident that it's not possible. That was a really heartwarming thing to do epescially since he you know did kill Dumbledore and Harry wasn't aware of that. I do have one complaint though. Why did he name his son Albus and not Severus? .___.  Even though I do like the idea of the middle name. Yeah anyway, I need to torturing myself by watching Snape's death scene & The prince's Tale. Forever Crying. This amazing character DID NOT deserve to die. I can't stress how upset I feel about this.
In the future when my children ask me why I'm still crying over this...
My children :: "After all this time?"
Me :: "Always." ♥
Oh by the way...the whole patronus thing........it's actually true. I can't believe it. :| Okbye!

Pissed Off Sunday.

My mom never ceases to make me upset.

3 MORE DAYS. ♥ HARRY POTTER DH PART 2.

Yeaaaah countdown! I can't wait till it comes out but I'm also unwilling to admit that it's coming to end. Harry Potter has been my childhood. I've dreamed of going to Hogwarts. I love the series. Thanks SO MUCH Jo Rowling for making my childhood filled with amazement, imagination, and courage. ♥ Thank you Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Evanna Lynch, Bonnie Wright, Tom Felton, and Matthew Lewis for portraying the "main" 7 so well. Most of all, ALAN RICKMANNNN. OMGG Prince's Tale :'(. It's really going to get me if it was made really well. I love Snape. He's such an amazing character. The bravery...the dedication. Unfathomable! 7.15.11. It all ends tonight. ♥


~~~3 MORE DAYS~~~

HAPPY JULY 4TH.

I really can't wait until my sweet. I really hope the people I really want to come can make it~ ^^ then it'll make it a perfect birthday party ♥ :D

-HUG UNDER THE FIREWORKS.
**must achieve >:]**

YESSSS. my SAT reading score is FINALLY improving!

Ohsnap :( Fireworks remind me of Disney. ahhhhhh. T_T cold nostalgia chills me through the bones once again. </3 Can someone please take me back to the best weekend of my life? Please. I wish I recorded every moment there because it was truly magical and amazing.

SAT classes..

OMGGGG SAT CLASSES. I have to take a pract. test every monday? what duhhhhh...-____- too much.
and now i have a pile of homework to die. oh how i'm going to LOVE junior year.

SUNBUN Sweet 16 :)

Usually I look pretty decent in candid pictures but the ones that other people took @ Jennifer's sweet. OMG. I look completely hideous...like no joke. Like woaaah, do I look like that all the time? Mad unattractive. Normally, I don't do a lot of untagging...but this time I did A LOT of untagging! Lululul..gross.
I wish I was photogenic...lawl. Never going to happen doee.

Yeah so then I come home from the sleepover and my mom starts complaining non-stop...like seriouslyy can you give me a break? I'm tired...yell at me some other time..geez-____-

OH BTW:: HAPPY FATHER'S DAYY!! :)

Band Picnic.

It looks I'm not going to see some of these people ever again.
Honestly, yesterday was a great day. I realized how much I was truly going to miss all of them. </3
Hopefully I'll see the ones going to RU. But the ones going far...we'll meet again in the future. I promise!

And you? Thank you. I'm going to miss you so much ♥

SEN11ORS.

OMIGOSH seniors 2O11. I love you. Literally. You 'guys' (especially :P) are my life. <33
When you guys are gone, everything will be so different. Marching band..with no seniors? No, just no.
Too many holes and not enough people to fill them.
I'm truly happy that I got to meet all of you. <3 You all changed my life in different ways..and I really appreciate all the advice you guys gave. I enjoy every conversation we had throughout the 1-2 years that we've known each other for. I wish I met you guys earlier, because you guys are honestly amazing. ♥
I really hope that I'll see some of you in the future. YEAH, RU.

I can't believe in one year I'm losing:
-My bestfriend.
-This awesome guy that always makes me smile with his humor (:
-This really really nice guy that I can basically tell everything to.
-This guy that is always so determined and inspired me in more ways than one.
-This guy that is confusing and hard to figure out. Wish I met him earlier.
-This guy that's pretty much emotionless, fun to bother, but really chill and amazingly musically talented.
-This girl that is really sweet, nice, creative, has her blonde moments, but nonetheless really fun to be around.
-This guy that is really daring and outgoing that runs like the wind.
-This guy that's really devoted, serious, and hard-working.

^Thank you for appearing in my life. I'll never forget any of you. ♥

Stop. You're killing me.

Faded friendships.

thousandmilesss:

The ones where you gave it your all. The ones you felt that they would be there for you for the whole time. But something happened, or even nothing happened at all. Whatever it was, it caused the friendship to fade. And that friendship turned into acquaintances, and then into strangers.

Please don't do this to me. You're killing me inside. I don't know how this happened, but it's breaking me day by day, night by night. I want to talk to you so badly but it seems as if this hole is already too big to mend. In case you ever want to have a nice heart-to-heart convo. with me ever again, I'm here for you. PLEASE IM me whenever you're feeling empty because I'll be here to cheer you up as always. My pleading, my begging, my wishing is never going to come true because the cold dose of reality kicked in. You no longer care about me and I'm no longer in your life anymore. Don't do this to me. I've been wondering: what happened? I was happy for so long and then one day it just disappeared. Please please please TRY to save our friendship. I'm trying but because you've given up it seems useless for me to continue. Tomorrow, please talk to me. In a month or two, please come. It means the world to me. Kbye.

Blunt.

Don't be too blunt, it's annoying.
I think I tend to highly dislike 3 types of people: arrogant people (so freakin annoying-__-), blunt people, and people who copy you-___-. so fucking irritating.

Why I don't like arrogant people :: i mean if you have something to show off about, then it's pretty understandable but don't go overboard. but the worst is defininitely when you're not even good yourself but you still insist on bragging. like are you dumb? lol..

Why I don't like blunt people :: I'm a dreamer and often times I have my head in the clouds. I think being a dreamer makes me a generally really nice person. I would never say anything to hurt someone's feelings if they didn't do anything to bother me. Look blunt people-- you need to know the difference between your thoughts and what you should actually project out of your mouth. If you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up :]

Fake/Copy People -- You know who you are. I despise you. You really get onto my nerves..

GLEE FINALE♥

i LOVED the finale of GLEE..but it left me hanging.
For like this whole long weekend, I was obsessed with Glee<3. It was like my life.
Darn, if only I could be on the show so that I could meet Cory Monteith<333. Omigosh he's so adorable! :)
FINCHEL. ♥ I'm a BIG supporterr yeaaahhh~!
Yeah memorial day was alright.
The whole week was alright.
I just wish something exciting could happen. My life has pretty much become boring as anything.
Schedule ::
-TUMBLR
-Study for finals
-(Badminton?)
-Piano
-Eat
-Shower
-Sleep
[xRepeat]

GO TO HELL.

people are ridiculous.
everything was going goood.
my shorts were a bit short (first mentioned by amy) so i found out what room ms. alfonzo was in and avoided it.
then comes period 11. almost the last period.
so i turned around and i was talking to retard bryan and i'm like, "why are you wearing jeans? it's really hot.."
he's like, "yo'ure shorts are too short. GLORA'S SHORTS ARE TOO SHORT GLORIA'S SHORTS ARE TOO SHORT" over and over again until madame bitch finally hears. instead of warning me, she goes and writes me up for short shorts (and this is the first time this EVER happened to me.) i heard you get central detention for crap like this. so i was really nervous. at that moment, my biggest wish is was to fucking execute bryan for his obnoxiousness that almost got me detention. when i left, i decided maybe i want to ditch this and go to the bathroom. luckily, i bumped into manika and she told me otherwise and comforted me. that's what friends are for, right? :) thanks manika, loveeyouu for being there for me :)
then i finally decided i would go to the office where the principal said it was alright and i should just go to my gym locker and change really quickly. gosh, she's so nice! i'm SO glad she's our principal! then i realized i had another 10 minutes of class left. i didn't want to go back so i ditched the last 10 minutes spending it in the bathroom. i was still so freakin pissed off.
then i went to math to bitch about it...but then i was like, 'ah whatever. its just short shorts.'
then madame bitch comes into my MATH class and CHECKS if i changed. like, what the fuck is you're problem, you fucking bitch?! -___-i was bout to blow but i held it in.
then when i got home, instead of being encouraging or trying to comfort me, my dad goes like, "don't wear short shorts. you deserve it." i was like, "they weren't even THAT short." he's like, "obviously they were or else why would you get in trouble?" you know i thought parents were people you could rely on for comfort, but apparently not. i guess it was kind of wrong for me to compeletely explode at him but that was like the button for my volanic explosion. i was at the epitome of anger.
some people are fucking idiotss...im so fucking pissed that i was about to personally go over to retard's bryan's house and execute him personally. this might sound crazy, but that's how fucking pissed off i was.
the worst part is he got off withoutgetting in trouble at all when it's clear that he's the only dumbshit that always causes trouble.

Drifting.

First it was kind of notable, now it's so obvious.
I'm just constantly drifting away from these seniors that I used to be so close to.
I don't know how it happened, but it did and it's killing me. First I lost my bestfriend, but then...I lost the few that I took for granted. You never know what you have until you lose it.. :|
I just hope that things will work out and that they'll come to my sweet 16 and we can...start coming back together again. Guys, I just want you to know that even though you might enjoy the distance, I'm missing it.

Complicated.

I must be in a recession period right now. I'm just so confused.
All honesty, I don't like anyone right now because I don't even know who to like.
Everyone seems to be occuppied, ya know? So my options are nearly at zero.
I'm a bit confused and don't really know what I'm doing.
If you say you love me, I'd run to you in open arms :(  -sigh-

Glee || Prom || Mmm.

The Glee episode tonight was so intense. It was giving me goosebumps. That's how intense it was. I'm so glad that Finn really cares about Rachel..but I hate how it took another guy for him to realize that he was taking her for granted. ahhh loveee. Scary what it can do to us, right?

I've beeen having, the time of my life..and I owe it all to you. :) ♥

Yeah, even though we're strangers now and we barely talk to each other I want to thank you. I've only been looking at the negative side of things and complaining but honestly, I'm truly happy. I'm happy that you appeared in my life..even if it's only for a year or so. Thank you for making April the best months of my life. I'll never forget meeting you and our friendship that I care so deeply about. I hope you have fun at Prom and make it a night that you'll never forget.

May 9 - FREAKINALLERGIES - Day 9.

I honestly don't know what to do.
I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not fun enough, not bad enough..omfg-___-

May 8 - FREAKINALLERGIES - Day 8.

First of all,
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY♥ for once my mom's not all mooody :)

I honestly/truly happy for everyone else; but when is it my turn to finally be happy? -sigh-
I don't know what to do anymore.  I really don't. Too many people, but none of them are an option..I think.
So I don't know what to dooo. :(

May 4 - FREAKINALLERGIES - DAY 4

Tomorrow scares me >_< ;; I can't even imagine how horrible the allergies are going to be.
Why can't we just skip tomorrow...blah-_-

What about now?

Ha today. May 3rd. My favorite time of the year! not.
My allergies were extra cruel today =w=. I wonder why.
I remember exactly what happened LAST time this year.
I was at the dentist getting my cavity filled in. That was painful. Physically.
Now it's severe allergies even with the help of medication. Today was extremely uncomfortable. Physically.
Obviously this day is just not my time of year.
I looked horrible today too...wow, everything tells me today isn't a good day. And honestly, it isn't. It never was and it never will be :]
-sigh- who'd knew that from january your life can plummet THAT fast? unbelievable.
Now I'm only living on memories, cuz that's all that's left of us.
I miss how we used to be. Too much. </3

May 2 - FreakinAllergies - DAY 2.

Okay so basically everything pretty much sucks right now.
I don't know what's going on, but it's making me want to leave this earth more and more everyday.
First it's the whole pressure with grades. Of course everyone has to deal with that, but that's not turning out too great. I said I would improve, but I'm not. I'm trying to put in effort, but I get lazy and procrastinate.
Then there's the whole love life issue. I guess it's not really an issue now that I've basically given up since it's May 2nd already.
Then there's allergy crap that I have to deal with daily on top of all the other shit -__-. Allergies are a living hell. I mean my body's so stupid. Why would it "intensely" react to something that's not even harming my body. So, so, so dumbbb.
On top of all of this, it's bestfriends that are causing the most problems. I mean who'd knew?
Let's talk about my guy bestfriend. Oh him. Yeah, we're strangers now. Funny how quickly life can change. I honestly don't know what happened but it definitely has to do with severe drifting and lack of intiative to initiate a conversation. When both people stop trying to communicate with each other, everything just fades.
Then there's my girl bestfriend. Well if you don't want to talk about something, you would let your bestfriend know right? You'd be like, "oh..i don't want to talk about this anymore, let's talk about something else (: " barriers kill friendship, obviously. So it looks like I can't tell her anything now. Great. I guess I'm bringing my deepest darkest secret to grave since even my bestfriend is unwilling to listen to it or shows apparently no interest. I guess Tumblr's always right. "Don't bother telling anyone your problems. 20% of the people don't care, and the other 80% of the people are happy you have them." I guess Tumblr's the only thing you can actually trust nowadays.
Tomorrow. Ohhmy..-___- nevermind. Let's not even get started on that one.

Hello May, I'm hating you already.



we used to be
best friends
that didn't
care what
the other people
thought about us.
now we don't
even talk or
smile at each other
I miss the way we
could talk about
stupid stuff
and laugh

I hate this love song. ♥

Yeah, so I'm feeling a bit emotional today...not sure why.
This is hurting me.

BORN THIS WAY.

Facts:
1. Allergies suck, therefore, spring sucks. -__-
2. Do not pop pimples...they tend to bleed .__.
3. Everything will be alright soon. The rollercoaster has been plummetting for too long, eventually it'll sky dive and  I can truly smile again :]


BABYY I WAS BORN THIS WAY: SHORT♥

Spring Break's Already Over...

I'm afraid of so many things:
I'm afraid of my parent's reaction (on Tues>.<) they're going to LEGIT KILL me and I'm going to be restricted to no end. They're going to be very, very pissed at me. I don't know what to do. The saddest thing is, I can't escape from this horrible reality I created for myself. If I only tried harder, I wouldn't be worrying right now *sigh* Regretss. I wish I could go back in the time and change this because the built up of fear is going to literally kill me.
I'm afraid of tomorrow...so much. I mean, I can take lunch...but tomorrow night we have a WE concert which I would normally be like ohh yay!...especially since we don't have to dress formally. But the fact that Jamie's not there only proves one thing: I'm going to be alone with no one to talk to. I hate sitting alone, I hate standing from the side observing, I hate standing there by myself as if I have no friends (Which I don't.) I hate being lonely and there's really nothing I can do about it. If I approach someone and try to talk to them, they're only going to either: insult me, ignore me, or get annoyed by my presence. I don't know what to do anymore, someone please help me through this tough time.

After spending my whole week listening to KPOP, I loooove BiGBaNG<33 so much moree! G-Dragon & Seungri. ♥
Yeah, I wish I was Korean, but I'm not. :\ it's okay...being chinese is close enough...I'll just have to learn KOREAN on my own -sigh- :P I already know a few: SARANGHAEYO. ♥

[.Anna's Sweet 16.] || [.Cheesecake Factory.]

Anna's Sweet 16 was quite fun! ^^
The sleepoverr was fun tooo -- yeaaah 4 AM.
I wanted to pull an all-nighter, but it didn't exactly work out. lulz.
Some people are so bipolar... one minute they like you and one minute they don't. seriously, don't confuse me like that broo-___-

|| And the fighting continues. Parents are like teenagers, same as us -___-
2 more years of this and I'm goneee. Oh gosh, reality..kind of scared of the "real world" =/

Truth be told.

Truth be told, why the fuck do you hate me? lol. I never did anything wrong to you.
This is what I was thinking: I'm bestfriends with the girlie you adore and you're bestfriends with the guy I adore, so why can't we just trade and both be happy? That's a win-win situation. But no, you have to make it all complicated and add in this unecessary hatred to this simple situation. I don't know why you talk to me with such comtempt -___- Yeah sure, she thinks you're just kidding or being sarcastic but I'm more than sure that you are not kidding and that you really do dislike me. Um hello? I don't even bother you constantly so I don't know what you're going all "wow she's so annoying.." for. Have I ever wronged you? I admit that I have flaws that might bother you. I know that I can be extremely bothersome sometimes, I know I can ask stupid questions, I know I'm gullible, I know that sometimes I take forever to react but who's perfect? . Just stop hatin'. GEEZ.

You.. :( You could've easily said hi to me then, but you didn't. What are you thinking. I don't get chu.

I MISS THIS.

I wish Disney 2010 was still in my grasp.
I miss this soo soo much. This year's trip compared to last year's just sucked so so much. :(
Disney 2010 weekend was the best moments of my freakin' life. ♥
I expected this year to be EVEN BETTER since I'm now close with the seniors..but it turned out quite disappointing.
|| I have the biggest regret. The worse is: never knowing..what could've been.

Virginia [Recap]

you know what?
we need to stop adoring the ones that ignore us and stop ignoring the ones that adore us.


Honestly, I was expecting it to be amazing just like Disney.
They say, expectations is the key to disappointment.
I was really, really disappointed. Everything just didn't go right.
I mean, my roomies are fun & nice to hang out with...but outside of that, it was just terrible. I wanted to get a picture with him, I failed to reach that goal. Then I wanted a picture with my bestfriend. Oh, that's another story.

My bestfriend:  [male]
How can I even call him my bestfriend? Am I blind? Am I dumb? He's obviously NOT my bestfriend because bestfriends dont neglect each other. Bestfriends dont only talk to each other when they NEED to use them. Bestfriends don't completely forget about each other when someone else more important pops up. Thank you best friend for being the most amazing best friend ever. Thanks for only talking to me when you needed me. Thanks for basically ignoring me the whole time there. This was my test. I didn't talk to you because I wanted to see if you approached me (while trying to keep my promise) but you didn't even try. You came to me when you needed to use me or use something of mine. You don't care about me at all, obviously. When I parted from the group, you didn't even ask where I was. You didn't even notice I was gone. (how bad is that?>.>) Thennn, when I decided not to go to the lunch table JUST BECAUSE I didn't want to see you..you didnt even bother asking where I went. You're really great. I'm glad I met someone like you. You're just SUCH A GOOD BESTFRIEND -___- I'm just so upset right now. It's funny cuz usually it's the guy that cares about the girl, but this time is the it's the other way around. I feel stupid. Kbye ._.


To pile on top of this,
I love my bestfriend [female] :DD but sometimes I start to wonder why I'm so inadequate compared to her.
During the trip, every guyy wanted to talk to her and they were like flirting with her non stop.
When they saw me, they were like...either *ignore & dislike" "ew.." "oh. the unimportant one."
I mean it's not like I have feelings or anything. Nothing they say will really affect me because you know, I don't really exsist and I'm not really there until they need meh, ya know?
I'm started to wonder if they would even TALK to me if I weren't friends with her? I can't believe my friendship with guys depends on my bestfriend. This is fucking ridiculous. I'm sick of it. I sick of being INADEQUATE.
I mean...I know sometimes I can be stupid & ask dumb questions..and sometimes I can be hyperly annoying. But am I THAT much worse than her? Am I just "some friend" of her? Geez. I feel like they treated me like freakin' dirt. Am I that much uglier? Am I that much dumber? Am I that much meaner? WTF. I'm even NICE TO THEM. I'm not mean, arrogant, not that annoying (?).
I have no friends, obviously.
It's funny because no one can see my pain. No one cares, so why should I? Why am I even alive? lol.
It's like, the harder I try to satisfy their needs, the less they cared.
Truth be told, I hated this trip.

Turn that frown upside down (:

Today started out pretty crappy. I was sick and my grandma didn't want me going to Virginia -___- I mean are you kidding me?! Why would you not go somewhere when you paid $500? That's not even the main issue. Why would you not go somewhere when you waited a whole freakin year for this huge event? I've waited too long and hard to throw this away.

THANK YOU♥ you made my day, youuuu are UH-MAZING! thank you for putting that smile on my face. it means a lot to mehh :D

:)

Today I was observing their hi's.
Gahh, I LOVE YOU GUYS. ♥

Almost Perfect.

Honestly, today was a relatively good day!
Good grades, for once in a while...
yeahhh....symphonic band rehearsal tonight . lawl, i fail.

BLAHHH. you too good for mehh. you are amazing man. you're just too goood. x] make me smile cuz you MAD CUTEEEE.
why cant you be soo cool around me? then maybeee. lulz. everything'd be amazing. please virginia, do your magic. <3
confessions: I THINK I WANNA MARRY YOU ♥

Good Morn.

I just want to be happy.
5 more days :D♥

Let's go 100.

hMM. 100? Maybe maybe maybe! :D so happy. haven't been happy in such a long time. ||
The weather is so soggy today, ew.
6 m0re freakin days! <33333333 I'm so so so so excited. Pre-trip euphoria!
The bus ride is going to be like 30% of the trip so it's probably smart to pick a good seat.
I get so intimidated when people ask me questions about like math or bio :X I feel inadequate because I'm unable to answer their question. I wish I had more knowledge instead of being the let's talk about everything but school type of person. D:

 || 2 freakin days. I miss you! Come back already. We have the whole next week to look foward to though (: I can't wait! <3
Hmmmmm. maybe..just MAYBE we'll pick the same sport. *begging* :| :| :| I need this more than anything else right now. C:
Let's let fate do it's work. :|

Class of 2O11 || Part I.

Class of 2011:
You guys are truly amazing.
First of all, I'd like to congratulate all of you for making it to all these prestigious ivy league colleges & universities. I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your life.
Class of 2011 has always been my second favorite class after 2013! JPS Sen11ors Represent! <3 
To all my senior friends out there :: I'm going to miss you guys so so so so freakin much♥  We have to make next week a weekend that we'll remember forever after. 
I hope to see you guys once before the end of the world ;) justkeeeding. We're all going to meet up 30 years later and it's going to be epic! That's a promise from me :].
5O more days of school. I can't believe the time I get to spend with my friends are coming to an end. </3
It's truly sad T.T I keep thinking that I'll see you guys after highschool, but I probably won't. I'm having some trouble accepting this sad reality right now.


|| Part II. arriving after Virginia (most likely :D)

Don't doze off.

Lesson learned: Never look tired when someone's doing a presentation. They will call you out and make you feel like an idiot ._.
I think he was talking to me because everything he said seemed to apply to me. Oops...>_> luckily he didn't call me out, or I would've died, legit. Ribinsky would've killed me and I would've been mad embarrassed. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or whatnot. It's just yeahhh :P sometimes you get bored. He can't expect us to always be attentive, cuz obviously everyone wasn't. Other people were sleeping too...so maybe he wasn't specifically referring to me? Ohhmiigah =X never going to do that again, lulz.
BAND TRIP ♥ (: one fucking week. I'm currently suffering from Pre-Trip Euphoria! <3
Another lesson learned: Do less talking and more listening...it makes you wise LULZ.

A new beginning :DDD A reason for living :DDD A deeper meaning in the air :DDD
I missed you toooday♥

No good.

Today is no good.
I don't understand life at all.
Why can't we just get rid of all the people we don't like?
Why can't the people we like just linger in our lives?
Why is it that the people who dislike are constantly in our lives while the people we like only appear for only a couple of minutes?
I rather surround myself around people I like, because that'll make me happy.
When I'm with people I don't like, I'm just not happy lol. There's nothing they can do to make me happy other than leave me alone.
The people I like are nowhere to be seen. If I'm lucky I might get to see them for a few minutes a day but usually we don't see each other. This isn't fair. When can I finally be happy? :[

I just want to be happy for once. Is that too much to ask for?
Please, just let me be happy for this once. If it showed up in my dream, it should have some significance, right?
I just plead for anything...or anyone that could make me happy. =|
I know how it feels when someone likes you and you don't like them. It happens, and it sucks when they ask why not? You really can't answer that because you just don't know the answer. Standards? Mine's aren't that high. Just someone that can make me happy.


The 4 people I NEED in my life:
#1) You're adorable! We talk occasionally and I'm just happy to have you in my life. The problem with you is that you don't really care or you're not intereted in what I find interesting. This is a big problem. I try really hard to understand you and be like you, but I'm just not. Too many differences and you -- well lack of interest, is the main issue.
#2) You aight. The issue with you is that you're really good at tricking me into believing some illusion that never exsisted. I love your personality but you USED me.
#3) You are funny. You brighten up my day with your outrageous comments. Sometimes you're sooo soo mean and sometimes you can be pretty sweet. I don't think I can handle this drastic change in emotions.
#4) Ohh youu. :| I miss always freaking out about you :P. I still think you're cute and whatnot. but apparently we're just not meant to be because if we were, you would've already been in my life by now.

1/2 day.

I came back from school and my dad was like, 'let's go to dragon palace!' I liked that idea of course cuz that's my favorite restaurantt ! But then when I arrived there, I walked right out. Why the hell are they there?! .___. Ruins my freakin' appetite. I stormed out. I don't want to see them. In my mind I was like, what if they're there? but then I was like nahh. It's not even that day. But they were still there. OMG. :| Maybe there's something wrong with me. I honestly don't want to see them on a non-school day. 
Yeah, pretty much everything continues to go downhill. There are a couple of SLIGHT uphill moments, but the general direction is downhill.

Geez man, why do you have to hate me so much? I didn't even do anything to you...
Does my presence annoy you that much? Well I'm sorry I exsist and I am the way that I am. I'm so fucking nice to you, but you look at me as if I were a piece of garbage -_- What did I ever do to you? ... -__-
He crashed into ME...so why are you like, "what the fuck is wrong with you?" what did I do?! Ok, so I wasn't paying attention and I didn't see him..no need to critisize me like that. It was a fucking mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I even APOLOGIZED for not paying attention. I don't understand why you have to judge me so quickly. To everyone else in the world, you greet them with warmth and admiration. To me, you greet me with contempt and disapproval. I'm SORRY that you don't like me. How could you like my best friend so much and completely despise me? It doesn't make any sense, honestly.

I just want to be happy again.

You.
Why are you so clueless?
No, we're not bestfriends, geez-____-
I would never want to be on that bus, honestly.
I don't like the people on that bus and I don't want to be with them for 6 freakin hours. It'll drive me insane.
I thought you would know better than that, but you're just as confused as the rest.
I'm just so annoyed at everyone, and that includes you. :( I wish I wasn't though, but I can't help it..you're just so lost.

New Shoes.

Oohmygahhh! I got new shoes. LOVELOVELOVE. I wanted Nike Air, but I couldn't find any that I liked in particular.
Sooo I changed my mind and went for this one instead. At first it was ehh...but then the more I look at it, the more I started to LOVE it!
The color is perfect.  I was annoyed at first since they didn't have my size but then I finally found my beautiful treasure :] It's like fate. I was meant to buy this shoe. ♥
VIRGINIA 2O11 -- livin' it up with my seniors. <3
1.5 more weeks. ahh.

I hate how I'm like the biggest procrastinator in EVERYTHING! I try to stop procrastinating, but I just can't. Yesterday I said I would, but I didn't and now  I PROMISED I would today but I don't feel like it again. I hate it when I IM someone and they just don't respond. Like why? Are you trying to ignore me? :[ It kidn of makes me sad and it makes me not want to IM that person ever again..lol. I always respond to my IMs because that's polite :] . If I don't want to talk to the person, I'll just keep saying lol and eventually the conversation will end. xD . But yeah...and please DON'T log off right after I IM you..that's really disappoints me.. *sigh*

It's Sunny!

That time of the year when everyone starts posting their college acceptances status AND their prom invites. *sigh* I have so many senior friends so this is going to be endless. But nonetheless, I'm happy for everyone who got accepted into their dream colleges! Only if I could get into any college other than Rutgers-___- will I post my college acceptance, lulz. So I guess this is what life's all about. Academic success and love success. Soon I'll be liking all these "marriage" statuses... and then OMG. dont even want to talk about it :( life's flying by and it's not stopping for anyone who's not enjoying it. "This is literally depressing" - quote my bestfrand :]

I promised myself that I would talk to you today...
alright. once HE responds to my IM, i'll IM you. :D
And I will. I just hope for the courage♥  It's never been so hard before..
Please respond or else I'll be completely disheartened. Let us have a decent conversation :]

Too quiet?

Did you not hear me or did you purposely ignore me? Well I'm pretty sure you didn't hear me..but I'm still feeling insecure to this point.
That girl? I know she's already with someone but the fact that you were so comfortable talking to her and smiling, I was jealous instantly. Why can't you be that happy when you talk to me? :| It made me reflect on the little chance I actually have. However, I'm not going to give up. I still have a little bit of time.. I just wish I can think of something to talk to you about. I feel like everything I say is pretty childish or something that wouldn't interest you. I'm going to work that out.  SIKE. I'm bout to give up like right now. Too smart, WAY too good for me, not enough time. Hahahaha who was I even kidding-___-...this is seriously at 0% now. i give uppp. =[ it'll pass, it'll pass... STOP CONFUSING ME YOU IDIOT♥
Some points in life, you think...wow my life really sucks. [relatively]
Well, right now I can honestly say I'm not happy. Nothing's going good. Nothing at all. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and I'm staying there. Please April, change things around. <3

Snow in Spring?!

Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you. // *
I'm an idiot. I had the time of the world yesterday but I decided not to because I was scared that other people would notice. Why do I even care about other people's opinion? They don't really matter. UGHH. If I had the chance, I'd redo that right now.

What a day -__-

Today was a bad day, lol. So basically I woke up and realized it was raining. That already sucked. Then my mom took my iTouch-_-, I ALMOST missed the bus, some idiot bumped into me in the hallway, I forgot to print out my current event article, I crashed into a door, dropped my book into the mud...blah-___- everything was just HORRIBLE.
I didnt even try today because I knew it was pointless...since today was a INCREDIBLY AWFUL day.

AW.

OHSNAP. The prom requestings have already started =P

Spontaneous

What I learned: Never plan things out because it'll never go the way you want it to. Just go with the flow of life.
I had to learn this the hard way.
2 M0RE WEEKS, THEN VIRGINIA<333333333333333333333 can't wait.
I'm getting new shoes today (finally>.<)

Roadblocks.

Superficial *sigh*

Sooooooooo everything's going to work out perfectly (SIKE) cuz that never happens -__- but maybe I'll be lucky for once (unlikely ._.)
I'll still try (: Chances do favor those in motion. Blah. I hate feeling inadequate :X. Worst feeling in the world. =/

Changes.

It's incredible how quickly the weather changes. In the morning, the skies are were dark gray and poooofy. The rain was pouring down swiftly. Then, after a couple afters (in the afternoon), the skies cleared up and now is light gray with white thin clouds. Nature is such a mysterious thing. :)
WHYTHEHECK is the marking period ending early?! 3/30? REALLY? Now how am I supposed to improve my rock bottom grades -_- (heh) BLAAAAH =X
GLEE. Wednesdays are my GLEE days<3. This episode was a bit awkward but as long as those two are happy, then that's all that really matters, right?

|| One day I just want to write a song and pour all my emotions out. It'll make me happy. :]

YOU♥

I really need to do some catching up. 16 days -___- ahhh.
I want to be in a movie. I don't know why. But I just want to be :D. I want to be one of the main characters tooo. Too bad this is never going to happen :[

|| ahhhhh :X I FINALLY KNOW WHY! I can't breathe because you take my breath away everytime♥
I like how for once, no one but me knows :D

Please stop.

Now I'm in another dilemma. *sigh* :|


"I heard you're a player, so let's play a game.
Let's sweet talk.
Let's play fight.
Let's talk 24/7.
Let's tell each other good morning & good night everyday.
Let's take walks together.
Let's give each other nicknames.
Let's hang out with each other's friends.
Let's go on dates.
Let's talk on the phone all night long.
Let's hold hands.
Let's hug and kiss.
And whoever falls in love first?
LOSES."

|| VIA TUMBLR.

I hate you for everything you've done to me. I hate this pain. I hate your stupid love games. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate this situation. I hate my life. I hate my heart. But honestly, I can't hate you. <3
Please stop. Just stop. I can't take this anymore. You're going to make me suffer again and I don't think I can handle that again.
NO, you're not sorry. No, I can't. I just can't. Please don't. When I finally thought that...JUST NEVERMIND. You're making me sad :(. You win, okay..-___-

DILEMMA OVER. I'm not dealing with this crap anymore.

Ugh.

Some people are really fucking annoying. -____-
*I don't know if what I'm thinking is incredibly wrong but sometimes I imagine that all the people that annoy me on a daily bases/people that I highly dislike all line up side by side and a tsunami washes them all away and out of my life forever. Hmm...
I wish I can just wash these people out of my life, like right now.
Anyway, today was a pretty blah day. It wasn't too good nor was it too bad, I guess.
I don't understand how I can understand the topic perfectly before the quiz and still end up getting a not satisfying grade. *sigh*
It's like I'm fated to not get 100 ._. I don't understand this.


:( Hey you. I barely even saw you today. Didn't get my daily dose of smiling.. *sigh*

Ew, school tomorrow.

I'm actually not sure if people can I actually read my posts. I tried to put it on private and I'm pretty sure that didn't work out..
Anyway, yesterday was a pretty productive day. I took my piano exam which flowed smoothly for the most part (ehh.) The 2 hour car ride (roundtrip) was bothering me since I do get carsick. But this time it bothered me because I was mad bored -__-.
Then I went home and attended a family party. Then we had to drive to the restaurant which took another half hour. This time I took some time to reflect & think about life. Now I'm nearly 100% sure about my recent confusions :]
Also, I cleared up something that bothered me for such a long time. I'm really happy that I got this burden off my shoulders. Whether the result was positive or not, I'm happy I tried. I do understand how she felt and I probably wouldn't have done things much differently. Actually, I don't know. I would probably have been more liberal and let it slide.

Keep Holding On.

It's finally Friday! That makes me happy. Today was a good day. Everything that happened was great. <3 Except for that english quiz, that was pretty fail -__- The other quiz was goood! No one pissed me off that much today..the weather was beautiful when I was walking home. Everything seemed perfect. But no...everything's not perfect because...
|| Nature ::  Nature is a beautiful thing. Sometimes I look at pictures on tumblr of nature and they just inspire me becuase it's SO BEAUTIFUL ! But Nature is also very very scary. None of are any match for nature. Nature is strong and can kill us off with its wrath, easily. Right now as I'm typing this, there are people in Japan that are dying, missing, and helpless.  JAPAN, keeep holding on because we know you'll make it through. Just stay strong, cuz you know we're here for you♥  I'm praying for them and I wish them the best.
To the living :: I hope you're safe. <3
To the missing :: I hope you're found. <3
To the dead :: I hope you are at peace. <3
_Even though I personally don't know any of these people, but no one deserves such a tragic fate.
*Dedicate today and reflect on how lucky you are to be alive. NEW JERSEY REPRESENT :]

|| The way you greet me is soo adorable ;] ♥

Rainy.

Today I was sitting on the bus reflecting on the weather and I had a short flashback.
Oh the good old times.
Actually, the memory that flashed back wasn't that great but it was kind of cuuute :P
This year the memories are going to be better. Hopefully.
I can't get you out of my head -_-

I don't know.

|| GLEE ::  This episode was a bit. uhhh =P. I like the blonde teacher though! She's so outgoing! (: While Emma on the other hand is soo reserved. There are so many varieties of people. ANIMAL<3333. amazing.song.

‎65 days of school left. :'(
Oh. My. Gosh. I can't believe in 65 days my seniors are going to be leaving. forever. I want to cry. This is ridiculous & unbelievable. I felt like I just met them yesterday...noo I need more time with them.

|| My promise :: SENIORS 2O11. I promise to spend every moment of Virginia with you guys<3. I'm going to miss you guys so fucking much. Please come visit in the future. <3333
|| My goal :: I'm going to take a picture separately with every one of my senior buds. Memories might fade, but pictures won't ♥ :]

Sometimes you can listen to this one song over and over again and not get tired of it one bit.

|| Song that currently describes my mood :: Secrets - One Republic.
// Honestly, it kind of reminds me of you :)

March 8th, 2011

Honestly, I don't know anymore. I'm just so confused about everything, everyone.

|| This BLOG :: I'm going to avoid mentioning any names. If you're really curious about any posts, come find me and talk to me in school or something..
**REFLECTION ON LIFE**

|| New Adjustments :: I'm going to change, whether it's for the good or for the bad. I'm going to be less annoying (because I know I can be quite irritating at times), more mature, less crazy, less lazy, less gullible and dumb, less shy... New clothes, new shoes, new hair ! (curling iron).

|| Past Love :: Just recently, I've discovered something :: my adoration for this "person" is slowly starting to fade away. After sitting with him for a few minutes, I realized something important. He's just a normal person like you and me. He's not actually that *great* and *perfect*. Love makes us blind. We refuse to see the flaws in those we love until we really get to know them. Then we accept them for the faulty person they are ♥

|| Secret Recent Discovery :: Actually, to be honest. I didn't just "stop" liking him out of nowhere. Like I always say, the only way for me to stop liking someone, is when I fall for someone else (otherwise known as a transition.) Honestly, I can't really say I really "transitioned" to like this other person, but this all came in a form of a dream. It wasn't just one dream, it was many. I never really noticed it, but this person can actually be pretty amazing at times<3. [and for once, I'm just going to keep it to myself and not tell anyone. Just this once. I want this to work :( even though it's kind of out of reach right now.] // You may think of me as boy crazy-__-, but I interpret this in a different way.

|| Schooool :: ughh. I've been doing pretty bad lately. A's an Asian, it's pretty unacceptable. But I guess I'm an exception because I'm just so academically challenged-____-. I can honestly do good in school if I put more effort in and study more. But for some reason, I just don't feel like doing it. I don't really understand why, but I build up a resistance to studying and working hard. I want to break it down and actually achieve the grades that would completely satisfy my parents. No B's are no good, but that seems to be the only thing that I've been getting lately.
[Goal] :: Final Exam - A's. (( This is going to require a lot of sacrfice)

|| Friends :: My friends are great people and I have to say I love them<3. But honestly, I do admit I'm a bit...fake? There are some people that I really don't like but I pretend to be nice to them anyway finding myself talking about them behind their backs. I try to avoid this but sometimes they really get onto my nerves. I find myself just complaining about the annoying people in my life. I just wish that they could get out of my life and stop talking to me, like forever. I really show no interest in the "topics" that they want to discuss and I really wish they would finally get the idea and leave me alone! But nonetheless, I'm thankful for the great people in my life that make me happy & put a smile on my face, daily. Without them, I don't know how I would be holding on.

|| Band :: PART I. BAND TRIP // in about PERFECTLY one month! I'm really, really excited. I can't wait. Last year was a big success and it showed me that band overnight trips are absolutely amazing. Disney was the best even in my whole entire life ♥ I would do ANYTHING to be able to relive those moments over and over again. I also got onto the "cool" bus as they call it? It doesn't really matter whether it's the "cool" bus or the "un-cool" bus, as long as I'm with the people I love, I'm happy. Luckily, most of the people I enjoy being with are on the bus and I find it a great pleasure to be fortunate enough to spend 7 hours of my life with them. I can't wait to spend the time of my life with them at Virginia. I can't believe after this year, I won't be seeing Seniors '11 anymore! They won't be there anymore. I'm going to spend 100% of my time with them because I'm going to miss them so much. The tears will be flowing at the end of this trip, foshoz. T.T PART II. MARCHING BAND // I love Marching Band! (: The people are amazing. I've made so many friends through this "sport" ;). I love my section too! Even though some of them are pretty ehh -___- sometimes, nonetheless they are pretty chill & I can't wait to inherit the section leader title. <3 I'll promise that I won't let my section down and I'll be there for them whenever they need me. My favorite thing about marching band is not the long practices (hahaha) but the bus rides to our competitions. I really get to know people through bus rides. Sometimes I can get loud & obnoxious, but I love heart-to-heart convos on the bus rides. It really let's me get to know the people. Even though, marching band hurts physically, it makes up for it mentally <3 . We're just one big familyyy ; I LOVE YOU GUYS♥. Do work! PART III: WIND ENSEMBLE //  Wind Ensemble is pretty challenging in my opinion..this is probably because I suck, lol T.T I do look foward to improve my playing ability and practice more. Sometimes I just get soo lazy and I start to not care anymore. A conflict that I suffer severely is insecurity & lack of self confidence. This allows me to get extremely nervous when I have to play my part (get tested) in front of the whole class. It makes me feel nervous especially. If I'm practicing alone, I can do it. But once I'm put in front of an audience I keep feeling like I'm inadequate, or I'll play the wrong note and embarrass myself. I'll eventually get over this, and it is then that I can achieve greatness.

|| Happiness :: What happiness? Ok, I'll be honest. Yes it is really cute when couples are walking the hallway all huggy, it's cute when I watch dramas and the two characters are falling in love with each other (it's adorable!) but honestly it makes me jealous. Why can't I be happy for once? Where's my fairytale? When can I hold hands with the person I lovee down the hallways? When will it be my turn? Maybe it's too early, as they all say. But I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of this emptiness, I'm tired of waking up knowing that I'm going to school alone. No hugs, no quick kisses...womp-__- No one to watch the sunset with. -sigh- When will this misery end? I'm tired living in a dream world.

// That is all for today. :) I'm glad I can finally let it all out.