March 8th, 2011

Honestly, I don't know anymore. I'm just so confused about everything, everyone.

|| This BLOG :: I'm going to avoid mentioning any names. If you're really curious about any posts, come find me and talk to me in school or something..
**REFLECTION ON LIFE**

|| New Adjustments :: I'm going to change, whether it's for the good or for the bad. I'm going to be less annoying (because I know I can be quite irritating at times), more mature, less crazy, less lazy, less gullible and dumb, less shy... New clothes, new shoes, new hair ! (curling iron).

|| Past Love :: Just recently, I've discovered something :: my adoration for this "person" is slowly starting to fade away. After sitting with him for a few minutes, I realized something important. He's just a normal person like you and me. He's not actually that *great* and *perfect*. Love makes us blind. We refuse to see the flaws in those we love until we really get to know them. Then we accept them for the faulty person they are ♥

|| Secret Recent Discovery :: Actually, to be honest. I didn't just "stop" liking him out of nowhere. Like I always say, the only way for me to stop liking someone, is when I fall for someone else (otherwise known as a transition.) Honestly, I can't really say I really "transitioned" to like this other person, but this all came in a form of a dream. It wasn't just one dream, it was many. I never really noticed it, but this person can actually be pretty amazing at times<3. [and for once, I'm just going to keep it to myself and not tell anyone. Just this once. I want this to work :( even though it's kind of out of reach right now.] // You may think of me as boy crazy-__-, but I interpret this in a different way.

|| Schooool :: ughh. I've been doing pretty bad lately. A's an Asian, it's pretty unacceptable. But I guess I'm an exception because I'm just so academically challenged-____-. I can honestly do good in school if I put more effort in and study more. But for some reason, I just don't feel like doing it. I don't really understand why, but I build up a resistance to studying and working hard. I want to break it down and actually achieve the grades that would completely satisfy my parents. No B's are no good, but that seems to be the only thing that I've been getting lately.
[Goal] :: Final Exam - A's. (( This is going to require a lot of sacrfice)

|| Friends :: My friends are great people and I have to say I love them<3. But honestly, I do admit I'm a bit...fake? There are some people that I really don't like but I pretend to be nice to them anyway finding myself talking about them behind their backs. I try to avoid this but sometimes they really get onto my nerves. I find myself just complaining about the annoying people in my life. I just wish that they could get out of my life and stop talking to me, like forever. I really show no interest in the "topics" that they want to discuss and I really wish they would finally get the idea and leave me alone! But nonetheless, I'm thankful for the great people in my life that make me happy & put a smile on my face, daily. Without them, I don't know how I would be holding on.

|| Band :: PART I. BAND TRIP // in about PERFECTLY one month! I'm really, really excited. I can't wait. Last year was a big success and it showed me that band overnight trips are absolutely amazing. Disney was the best even in my whole entire life ♥ I would do ANYTHING to be able to relive those moments over and over again. I also got onto the "cool" bus as they call it? It doesn't really matter whether it's the "cool" bus or the "un-cool" bus, as long as I'm with the people I love, I'm happy. Luckily, most of the people I enjoy being with are on the bus and I find it a great pleasure to be fortunate enough to spend 7 hours of my life with them. I can't wait to spend the time of my life with them at Virginia. I can't believe after this year, I won't be seeing Seniors '11 anymore! They won't be there anymore. I'm going to spend 100% of my time with them because I'm going to miss them so much. The tears will be flowing at the end of this trip, foshoz. T.T PART II. MARCHING BAND // I love Marching Band! (: The people are amazing. I've made so many friends through this "sport" ;). I love my section too! Even though some of them are pretty ehh -___- sometimes, nonetheless they are pretty chill & I can't wait to inherit the section leader title. <3 I'll promise that I won't let my section down and I'll be there for them whenever they need me. My favorite thing about marching band is not the long practices (hahaha) but the bus rides to our competitions. I really get to know people through bus rides. Sometimes I can get loud & obnoxious, but I love heart-to-heart convos on the bus rides. It really let's me get to know the people. Even though, marching band hurts physically, it makes up for it mentally <3 . We're just one big familyyy ; I LOVE YOU GUYS♥. Do work! PART III: WIND ENSEMBLE //  Wind Ensemble is pretty challenging in my opinion..this is probably because I suck, lol T.T I do look foward to improve my playing ability and practice more. Sometimes I just get soo lazy and I start to not care anymore. A conflict that I suffer severely is insecurity & lack of self confidence. This allows me to get extremely nervous when I have to play my part (get tested) in front of the whole class. It makes me feel nervous especially. If I'm practicing alone, I can do it. But once I'm put in front of an audience I keep feeling like I'm inadequate, or I'll play the wrong note and embarrass myself. I'll eventually get over this, and it is then that I can achieve greatness.

|| Happiness :: What happiness? Ok, I'll be honest. Yes it is really cute when couples are walking the hallway all huggy, it's cute when I watch dramas and the two characters are falling in love with each other (it's adorable!) but honestly it makes me jealous. Why can't I be happy for once? Where's my fairytale? When can I hold hands with the person I lovee down the hallways? When will it be my turn? Maybe it's too early, as they all say. But I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of this emptiness, I'm tired of waking up knowing that I'm going to school alone. No hugs, no quick kisses...womp-__- No one to watch the sunset with. -sigh- When will this misery end? I'm tired living in a dream world.

// That is all for today. :) I'm glad I can finally let it all out.