I hate this love song. ♥

Yeah, so I'm feeling a bit emotional today...not sure why.
This is hurting me.

BORN THIS WAY.

Facts:
1. Allergies suck, therefore, spring sucks. -__-
2. Do not pop pimples...they tend to bleed .__.
3. Everything will be alright soon. The rollercoaster has been plummetting for too long, eventually it'll sky dive and  I can truly smile again :]


BABYY I WAS BORN THIS WAY: SHORT♥

Spring Break's Already Over...

I'm afraid of so many things:
I'm afraid of my parent's reaction (on Tues>.<) they're going to LEGIT KILL me and I'm going to be restricted to no end. They're going to be very, very pissed at me. I don't know what to do. The saddest thing is, I can't escape from this horrible reality I created for myself. If I only tried harder, I wouldn't be worrying right now *sigh* Regretss. I wish I could go back in the time and change this because the built up of fear is going to literally kill me.
I'm afraid of tomorrow...so much. I mean, I can take lunch...but tomorrow night we have a WE concert which I would normally be like ohh yay!...especially since we don't have to dress formally. But the fact that Jamie's not there only proves one thing: I'm going to be alone with no one to talk to. I hate sitting alone, I hate standing from the side observing, I hate standing there by myself as if I have no friends (Which I don't.) I hate being lonely and there's really nothing I can do about it. If I approach someone and try to talk to them, they're only going to either: insult me, ignore me, or get annoyed by my presence. I don't know what to do anymore, someone please help me through this tough time.

After spending my whole week listening to KPOP, I loooove BiGBaNG<33 so much moree! G-Dragon & Seungri. ♥
Yeah, I wish I was Korean, but I'm not. :\ it's okay...being chinese is close enough...I'll just have to learn KOREAN on my own -sigh- :P I already know a few: SARANGHAEYO. ♥

[.Anna's Sweet 16.] || [.Cheesecake Factory.]

Anna's Sweet 16 was quite fun! ^^
The sleepoverr was fun tooo -- yeaaah 4 AM.
I wanted to pull an all-nighter, but it didn't exactly work out. lulz.
Some people are so bipolar... one minute they like you and one minute they don't. seriously, don't confuse me like that broo-___-

|| And the fighting continues. Parents are like teenagers, same as us -___-
2 more years of this and I'm goneee. Oh gosh, reality..kind of scared of the "real world" =/

Truth be told.

Truth be told, why the fuck do you hate me? lol. I never did anything wrong to you.
This is what I was thinking: I'm bestfriends with the girlie you adore and you're bestfriends with the guy I adore, so why can't we just trade and both be happy? That's a win-win situation. But no, you have to make it all complicated and add in this unecessary hatred to this simple situation. I don't know why you talk to me with such comtempt -___- Yeah sure, she thinks you're just kidding or being sarcastic but I'm more than sure that you are not kidding and that you really do dislike me. Um hello? I don't even bother you constantly so I don't know what you're going all "wow she's so annoying.." for. Have I ever wronged you? I admit that I have flaws that might bother you. I know that I can be extremely bothersome sometimes, I know I can ask stupid questions, I know I'm gullible, I know that sometimes I take forever to react but who's perfect? . Just stop hatin'. GEEZ.

You.. :( You could've easily said hi to me then, but you didn't. What are you thinking. I don't get chu.

I MISS THIS.

I wish Disney 2010 was still in my grasp.
I miss this soo soo much. This year's trip compared to last year's just sucked so so much. :(
Disney 2010 weekend was the best moments of my freakin' life. ♥
I expected this year to be EVEN BETTER since I'm now close with the seniors..but it turned out quite disappointing.
|| I have the biggest regret. The worse is: never knowing..what could've been.

Virginia [Recap]

you know what?
we need to stop adoring the ones that ignore us and stop ignoring the ones that adore us.


Honestly, I was expecting it to be amazing just like Disney.
They say, expectations is the key to disappointment.
I was really, really disappointed. Everything just didn't go right.
I mean, my roomies are fun & nice to hang out with...but outside of that, it was just terrible. I wanted to get a picture with him, I failed to reach that goal. Then I wanted a picture with my bestfriend. Oh, that's another story.

My bestfriend:  [male]
How can I even call him my bestfriend? Am I blind? Am I dumb? He's obviously NOT my bestfriend because bestfriends dont neglect each other. Bestfriends dont only talk to each other when they NEED to use them. Bestfriends don't completely forget about each other when someone else more important pops up. Thank you best friend for being the most amazing best friend ever. Thanks for only talking to me when you needed me. Thanks for basically ignoring me the whole time there. This was my test. I didn't talk to you because I wanted to see if you approached me (while trying to keep my promise) but you didn't even try. You came to me when you needed to use me or use something of mine. You don't care about me at all, obviously. When I parted from the group, you didn't even ask where I was. You didn't even notice I was gone. (how bad is that?>.>) Thennn, when I decided not to go to the lunch table JUST BECAUSE I didn't want to see you..you didnt even bother asking where I went. You're really great. I'm glad I met someone like you. You're just SUCH A GOOD BESTFRIEND -___- I'm just so upset right now. It's funny cuz usually it's the guy that cares about the girl, but this time is the it's the other way around. I feel stupid. Kbye ._.


To pile on top of this,
I love my bestfriend [female] :DD but sometimes I start to wonder why I'm so inadequate compared to her.
During the trip, every guyy wanted to talk to her and they were like flirting with her non stop.
When they saw me, they were like...either *ignore & dislike" "ew.." "oh. the unimportant one."
I mean it's not like I have feelings or anything. Nothing they say will really affect me because you know, I don't really exsist and I'm not really there until they need meh, ya know?
I'm started to wonder if they would even TALK to me if I weren't friends with her? I can't believe my friendship with guys depends on my bestfriend. This is fucking ridiculous. I'm sick of it. I sick of being INADEQUATE.
I mean...I know sometimes I can be stupid & ask dumb questions..and sometimes I can be hyperly annoying. But am I THAT much worse than her? Am I just "some friend" of her? Geez. I feel like they treated me like freakin' dirt. Am I that much uglier? Am I that much dumber? Am I that much meaner? WTF. I'm even NICE TO THEM. I'm not mean, arrogant, not that annoying (?).
I have no friends, obviously.
It's funny because no one can see my pain. No one cares, so why should I? Why am I even alive? lol.
It's like, the harder I try to satisfy their needs, the less they cared.
Truth be told, I hated this trip.

Turn that frown upside down (:

Today started out pretty crappy. I was sick and my grandma didn't want me going to Virginia -___- I mean are you kidding me?! Why would you not go somewhere when you paid $500? That's not even the main issue. Why would you not go somewhere when you waited a whole freakin year for this huge event? I've waited too long and hard to throw this away.

THANK YOU♥ you made my day, youuuu are UH-MAZING! thank you for putting that smile on my face. it means a lot to mehh :D

:)

Today I was observing their hi's.
Gahh, I LOVE YOU GUYS. ♥

Almost Perfect.

Honestly, today was a relatively good day!
Good grades, for once in a while...
yeahhh....symphonic band rehearsal tonight . lawl, i fail.

BLAHHH. you too good for mehh. you are amazing man. you're just too goood. x] make me smile cuz you MAD CUTEEEE.
why cant you be soo cool around me? then maybeee. lulz. everything'd be amazing. please virginia, do your magic. <3
confessions: I THINK I WANNA MARRY YOU ♥

Good Morn.

I just want to be happy.
5 more days :D♥

Let's go 100.

hMM. 100? Maybe maybe maybe! :D so happy. haven't been happy in such a long time. ||
The weather is so soggy today, ew.
6 m0re freakin days! <33333333 I'm so so so so excited. Pre-trip euphoria!
The bus ride is going to be like 30% of the trip so it's probably smart to pick a good seat.
I get so intimidated when people ask me questions about like math or bio :X I feel inadequate because I'm unable to answer their question. I wish I had more knowledge instead of being the let's talk about everything but school type of person. D:

 || 2 freakin days. I miss you! Come back already. We have the whole next week to look foward to though (: I can't wait! <3
Hmmmmm. maybe..just MAYBE we'll pick the same sport. *begging* :| :| :| I need this more than anything else right now. C:
Let's let fate do it's work. :|