Class of 2O11 || Part I.

Class of 2011:
You guys are truly amazing.
First of all, I'd like to congratulate all of you for making it to all these prestigious ivy league colleges & universities. I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your life.
Class of 2011 has always been my second favorite class after 2013! JPS Sen11ors Represent! <3 
To all my senior friends out there :: I'm going to miss you guys so so so so freakin much♥  We have to make next week a weekend that we'll remember forever after. 
I hope to see you guys once before the end of the world ;) justkeeeding. We're all going to meet up 30 years later and it's going to be epic! That's a promise from me :].
5O more days of school. I can't believe the time I get to spend with my friends are coming to an end. </3
It's truly sad T.T I keep thinking that I'll see you guys after highschool, but I probably won't. I'm having some trouble accepting this sad reality right now.


|| Part II. arriving after Virginia (most likely :D)

Don't doze off.

Lesson learned: Never look tired when someone's doing a presentation. They will call you out and make you feel like an idiot ._.
I think he was talking to me because everything he said seemed to apply to me. Oops...>_> luckily he didn't call me out, or I would've died, legit. Ribinsky would've killed me and I would've been mad embarrassed. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or whatnot. It's just yeahhh :P sometimes you get bored. He can't expect us to always be attentive, cuz obviously everyone wasn't. Other people were sleeping too...so maybe he wasn't specifically referring to me? Ohhmiigah =X never going to do that again, lulz.
BAND TRIP ♥ (: one fucking week. I'm currently suffering from Pre-Trip Euphoria! <3
Another lesson learned: Do less talking and more listening...it makes you wise LULZ.

A new beginning :DDD A reason for living :DDD A deeper meaning in the air :DDD
I missed you toooday♥

No good.

Today is no good.
I don't understand life at all.
Why can't we just get rid of all the people we don't like?
Why can't the people we like just linger in our lives?
Why is it that the people who dislike are constantly in our lives while the people we like only appear for only a couple of minutes?
I rather surround myself around people I like, because that'll make me happy.
When I'm with people I don't like, I'm just not happy lol. There's nothing they can do to make me happy other than leave me alone.
The people I like are nowhere to be seen. If I'm lucky I might get to see them for a few minutes a day but usually we don't see each other. This isn't fair. When can I finally be happy? :[

I just want to be happy for once. Is that too much to ask for?
Please, just let me be happy for this once. If it showed up in my dream, it should have some significance, right?
I just plead for anything...or anyone that could make me happy. =|
I know how it feels when someone likes you and you don't like them. It happens, and it sucks when they ask why not? You really can't answer that because you just don't know the answer. Standards? Mine's aren't that high. Just someone that can make me happy.


The 4 people I NEED in my life:
#1) You're adorable! We talk occasionally and I'm just happy to have you in my life. The problem with you is that you don't really care or you're not intereted in what I find interesting. This is a big problem. I try really hard to understand you and be like you, but I'm just not. Too many differences and you -- well lack of interest, is the main issue.
#2) You aight. The issue with you is that you're really good at tricking me into believing some illusion that never exsisted. I love your personality but you USED me.
#3) You are funny. You brighten up my day with your outrageous comments. Sometimes you're sooo soo mean and sometimes you can be pretty sweet. I don't think I can handle this drastic change in emotions.
#4) Ohh youu. :| I miss always freaking out about you :P. I still think you're cute and whatnot. but apparently we're just not meant to be because if we were, you would've already been in my life by now.

1/2 day.

I came back from school and my dad was like, 'let's go to dragon palace!' I liked that idea of course cuz that's my favorite restaurantt ! But then when I arrived there, I walked right out. Why the hell are they there?! .___. Ruins my freakin' appetite. I stormed out. I don't want to see them. In my mind I was like, what if they're there? but then I was like nahh. It's not even that day. But they were still there. OMG. :| Maybe there's something wrong with me. I honestly don't want to see them on a non-school day. 
Yeah, pretty much everything continues to go downhill. There are a couple of SLIGHT uphill moments, but the general direction is downhill.

Geez man, why do you have to hate me so much? I didn't even do anything to you...
Does my presence annoy you that much? Well I'm sorry I exsist and I am the way that I am. I'm so fucking nice to you, but you look at me as if I were a piece of garbage -_- What did I ever do to you? ... -__-
He crashed into ME...so why are you like, "what the fuck is wrong with you?" what did I do?! Ok, so I wasn't paying attention and I didn't see him..no need to critisize me like that. It was a fucking mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I even APOLOGIZED for not paying attention. I don't understand why you have to judge me so quickly. To everyone else in the world, you greet them with warmth and admiration. To me, you greet me with contempt and disapproval. I'm SORRY that you don't like me. How could you like my best friend so much and completely despise me? It doesn't make any sense, honestly.

I just want to be happy again.

You.
Why are you so clueless?
No, we're not bestfriends, geez-____-
I would never want to be on that bus, honestly.
I don't like the people on that bus and I don't want to be with them for 6 freakin hours. It'll drive me insane.
I thought you would know better than that, but you're just as confused as the rest.
I'm just so annoyed at everyone, and that includes you. :( I wish I wasn't though, but I can't help it..you're just so lost.

New Shoes.

Oohmygahhh! I got new shoes. LOVELOVELOVE. I wanted Nike Air, but I couldn't find any that I liked in particular.
Sooo I changed my mind and went for this one instead. At first it was ehh...but then the more I look at it, the more I started to LOVE it!
The color is perfect.  I was annoyed at first since they didn't have my size but then I finally found my beautiful treasure :] It's like fate. I was meant to buy this shoe. ♥
VIRGINIA 2O11 -- livin' it up with my seniors. <3
1.5 more weeks. ahh.

I hate how I'm like the biggest procrastinator in EVERYTHING! I try to stop procrastinating, but I just can't. Yesterday I said I would, but I didn't and now  I PROMISED I would today but I don't feel like it again. I hate it when I IM someone and they just don't respond. Like why? Are you trying to ignore me? :[ It kidn of makes me sad and it makes me not want to IM that person ever again..lol. I always respond to my IMs because that's polite :] . If I don't want to talk to the person, I'll just keep saying lol and eventually the conversation will end. xD . But yeah...and please DON'T log off right after I IM you..that's really disappoints me.. *sigh*

It's Sunny!

That time of the year when everyone starts posting their college acceptances status AND their prom invites. *sigh* I have so many senior friends so this is going to be endless. But nonetheless, I'm happy for everyone who got accepted into their dream colleges! Only if I could get into any college other than Rutgers-___- will I post my college acceptance, lulz. So I guess this is what life's all about. Academic success and love success. Soon I'll be liking all these "marriage" statuses... and then OMG. dont even want to talk about it :( life's flying by and it's not stopping for anyone who's not enjoying it. "This is literally depressing" - quote my bestfrand :]

I promised myself that I would talk to you today...
alright. once HE responds to my IM, i'll IM you. :D
And I will. I just hope for the courage♥  It's never been so hard before..
Please respond or else I'll be completely disheartened. Let us have a decent conversation :]

Too quiet?

Did you not hear me or did you purposely ignore me? Well I'm pretty sure you didn't hear me..but I'm still feeling insecure to this point.
That girl? I know she's already with someone but the fact that you were so comfortable talking to her and smiling, I was jealous instantly. Why can't you be that happy when you talk to me? :| It made me reflect on the little chance I actually have. However, I'm not going to give up. I still have a little bit of time.. I just wish I can think of something to talk to you about. I feel like everything I say is pretty childish or something that wouldn't interest you. I'm going to work that out.  SIKE. I'm bout to give up like right now. Too smart, WAY too good for me, not enough time. Hahahaha who was I even kidding-___-...this is seriously at 0% now. i give uppp. =[ it'll pass, it'll pass... STOP CONFUSING ME YOU IDIOT♥
Some points in life, you think...wow my life really sucks. [relatively]
Well, right now I can honestly say I'm not happy. Nothing's going good. Nothing at all. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and I'm staying there. Please April, change things around. <3

Snow in Spring?!

Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you. // *
I'm an idiot. I had the time of the world yesterday but I decided not to because I was scared that other people would notice. Why do I even care about other people's opinion? They don't really matter. UGHH. If I had the chance, I'd redo that right now.

What a day -__-

Today was a bad day, lol. So basically I woke up and realized it was raining. That already sucked. Then my mom took my iTouch-_-, I ALMOST missed the bus, some idiot bumped into me in the hallway, I forgot to print out my current event article, I crashed into a door, dropped my book into the mud...blah-___- everything was just HORRIBLE.
I didnt even try today because I knew it was pointless...since today was a INCREDIBLY AWFUL day.

AW.

OHSNAP. The prom requestings have already started =P

Spontaneous

What I learned: Never plan things out because it'll never go the way you want it to. Just go with the flow of life.
I had to learn this the hard way.
2 M0RE WEEKS, THEN VIRGINIA<333333333333333333333 can't wait.
I'm getting new shoes today (finally>.<)

Roadblocks.

Superficial *sigh*

Sooooooooo everything's going to work out perfectly (SIKE) cuz that never happens -__- but maybe I'll be lucky for once (unlikely ._.)
I'll still try (: Chances do favor those in motion. Blah. I hate feeling inadequate :X. Worst feeling in the world. =/

Changes.

It's incredible how quickly the weather changes. In the morning, the skies are were dark gray and poooofy. The rain was pouring down swiftly. Then, after a couple afters (in the afternoon), the skies cleared up and now is light gray with white thin clouds. Nature is such a mysterious thing. :)
WHYTHEHECK is the marking period ending early?! 3/30? REALLY? Now how am I supposed to improve my rock bottom grades -_- (heh) BLAAAAH =X
GLEE. Wednesdays are my GLEE days<3. This episode was a bit awkward but as long as those two are happy, then that's all that really matters, right?

|| One day I just want to write a song and pour all my emotions out. It'll make me happy. :]

YOU♥

I really need to do some catching up. 16 days -___- ahhh.
I want to be in a movie. I don't know why. But I just want to be :D. I want to be one of the main characters tooo. Too bad this is never going to happen :[

|| ahhhhh :X I FINALLY KNOW WHY! I can't breathe because you take my breath away everytime♥
I like how for once, no one but me knows :D

Please stop.

Now I'm in another dilemma. *sigh* :|


"I heard you're a player, so let's play a game.
Let's sweet talk.
Let's play fight.
Let's talk 24/7.
Let's tell each other good morning & good night everyday.
Let's take walks together.
Let's give each other nicknames.
Let's hang out with each other's friends.
Let's go on dates.
Let's talk on the phone all night long.
Let's hold hands.
Let's hug and kiss.
And whoever falls in love first?
LOSES."

|| VIA TUMBLR.

I hate you for everything you've done to me. I hate this pain. I hate your stupid love games. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate this situation. I hate my life. I hate my heart. But honestly, I can't hate you. <3
Please stop. Just stop. I can't take this anymore. You're going to make me suffer again and I don't think I can handle that again.
NO, you're not sorry. No, I can't. I just can't. Please don't. When I finally thought that...JUST NEVERMIND. You're making me sad :(. You win, okay..-___-

DILEMMA OVER. I'm not dealing with this crap anymore.

Ugh.

Some people are really fucking annoying. -____-
*I don't know if what I'm thinking is incredibly wrong but sometimes I imagine that all the people that annoy me on a daily bases/people that I highly dislike all line up side by side and a tsunami washes them all away and out of my life forever. Hmm...
I wish I can just wash these people out of my life, like right now.
Anyway, today was a pretty blah day. It wasn't too good nor was it too bad, I guess.
I don't understand how I can understand the topic perfectly before the quiz and still end up getting a not satisfying grade. *sigh*
It's like I'm fated to not get 100 ._. I don't understand this.


:( Hey you. I barely even saw you today. Didn't get my daily dose of smiling.. *sigh*

Ew, school tomorrow.

I'm actually not sure if people can I actually read my posts. I tried to put it on private and I'm pretty sure that didn't work out..
Anyway, yesterday was a pretty productive day. I took my piano exam which flowed smoothly for the most part (ehh.) The 2 hour car ride (roundtrip) was bothering me since I do get carsick. But this time it bothered me because I was mad bored -__-.
Then I went home and attended a family party. Then we had to drive to the restaurant which took another half hour. This time I took some time to reflect & think about life. Now I'm nearly 100% sure about my recent confusions :]
Also, I cleared up something that bothered me for such a long time. I'm really happy that I got this burden off my shoulders. Whether the result was positive or not, I'm happy I tried. I do understand how she felt and I probably wouldn't have done things much differently. Actually, I don't know. I would probably have been more liberal and let it slide.

Keep Holding On.

It's finally Friday! That makes me happy. Today was a good day. Everything that happened was great. <3 Except for that english quiz, that was pretty fail -__- The other quiz was goood! No one pissed me off that much today..the weather was beautiful when I was walking home. Everything seemed perfect. But no...everything's not perfect because...
|| Nature ::  Nature is a beautiful thing. Sometimes I look at pictures on tumblr of nature and they just inspire me becuase it's SO BEAUTIFUL ! But Nature is also very very scary. None of are any match for nature. Nature is strong and can kill us off with its wrath, easily. Right now as I'm typing this, there are people in Japan that are dying, missing, and helpless.  JAPAN, keeep holding on because we know you'll make it through. Just stay strong, cuz you know we're here for you♥  I'm praying for them and I wish them the best.
To the living :: I hope you're safe. <3
To the missing :: I hope you're found. <3
To the dead :: I hope you are at peace. <3
_Even though I personally don't know any of these people, but no one deserves such a tragic fate.
*Dedicate today and reflect on how lucky you are to be alive. NEW JERSEY REPRESENT :]

|| The way you greet me is soo adorable ;] ♥

Rainy.

Today I was sitting on the bus reflecting on the weather and I had a short flashback.
Oh the good old times.
Actually, the memory that flashed back wasn't that great but it was kind of cuuute :P
This year the memories are going to be better. Hopefully.
I can't get you out of my head -_-

I don't know.

|| GLEE ::  This episode was a bit. uhhh =P. I like the blonde teacher though! She's so outgoing! (: While Emma on the other hand is soo reserved. There are so many varieties of people. ANIMAL<3333. amazing.song.

‎65 days of school left. :'(
Oh. My. Gosh. I can't believe in 65 days my seniors are going to be leaving. forever. I want to cry. This is ridiculous & unbelievable. I felt like I just met them yesterday...noo I need more time with them.

|| My promise :: SENIORS 2O11. I promise to spend every moment of Virginia with you guys<3. I'm going to miss you guys so fucking much. Please come visit in the future. <3333
|| My goal :: I'm going to take a picture separately with every one of my senior buds. Memories might fade, but pictures won't ♥ :]

Sometimes you can listen to this one song over and over again and not get tired of it one bit.

|| Song that currently describes my mood :: Secrets - One Republic.
// Honestly, it kind of reminds me of you :)

March 8th, 2011

Honestly, I don't know anymore. I'm just so confused about everything, everyone.

|| This BLOG :: I'm going to avoid mentioning any names. If you're really curious about any posts, come find me and talk to me in school or something..
**REFLECTION ON LIFE**

|| New Adjustments :: I'm going to change, whether it's for the good or for the bad. I'm going to be less annoying (because I know I can be quite irritating at times), more mature, less crazy, less lazy, less gullible and dumb, less shy... New clothes, new shoes, new hair ! (curling iron).

|| Past Love :: Just recently, I've discovered something :: my adoration for this "person" is slowly starting to fade away. After sitting with him for a few minutes, I realized something important. He's just a normal person like you and me. He's not actually that *great* and *perfect*. Love makes us blind. We refuse to see the flaws in those we love until we really get to know them. Then we accept them for the faulty person they are ♥

|| Secret Recent Discovery :: Actually, to be honest. I didn't just "stop" liking him out of nowhere. Like I always say, the only way for me to stop liking someone, is when I fall for someone else (otherwise known as a transition.) Honestly, I can't really say I really "transitioned" to like this other person, but this all came in a form of a dream. It wasn't just one dream, it was many. I never really noticed it, but this person can actually be pretty amazing at times<3. [and for once, I'm just going to keep it to myself and not tell anyone. Just this once. I want this to work :( even though it's kind of out of reach right now.] // You may think of me as boy crazy-__-, but I interpret this in a different way.

|| Schooool :: ughh. I've been doing pretty bad lately. A's an Asian, it's pretty unacceptable. But I guess I'm an exception because I'm just so academically challenged-____-. I can honestly do good in school if I put more effort in and study more. But for some reason, I just don't feel like doing it. I don't really understand why, but I build up a resistance to studying and working hard. I want to break it down and actually achieve the grades that would completely satisfy my parents. No B's are no good, but that seems to be the only thing that I've been getting lately.
[Goal] :: Final Exam - A's. (( This is going to require a lot of sacrfice)

|| Friends :: My friends are great people and I have to say I love them<3. But honestly, I do admit I'm a bit...fake? There are some people that I really don't like but I pretend to be nice to them anyway finding myself talking about them behind their backs. I try to avoid this but sometimes they really get onto my nerves. I find myself just complaining about the annoying people in my life. I just wish that they could get out of my life and stop talking to me, like forever. I really show no interest in the "topics" that they want to discuss and I really wish they would finally get the idea and leave me alone! But nonetheless, I'm thankful for the great people in my life that make me happy & put a smile on my face, daily. Without them, I don't know how I would be holding on.

|| Band :: PART I. BAND TRIP // in about PERFECTLY one month! I'm really, really excited. I can't wait. Last year was a big success and it showed me that band overnight trips are absolutely amazing. Disney was the best even in my whole entire life ♥ I would do ANYTHING to be able to relive those moments over and over again. I also got onto the "cool" bus as they call it? It doesn't really matter whether it's the "cool" bus or the "un-cool" bus, as long as I'm with the people I love, I'm happy. Luckily, most of the people I enjoy being with are on the bus and I find it a great pleasure to be fortunate enough to spend 7 hours of my life with them. I can't wait to spend the time of my life with them at Virginia. I can't believe after this year, I won't be seeing Seniors '11 anymore! They won't be there anymore. I'm going to spend 100% of my time with them because I'm going to miss them so much. The tears will be flowing at the end of this trip, foshoz. T.T PART II. MARCHING BAND // I love Marching Band! (: The people are amazing. I've made so many friends through this "sport" ;). I love my section too! Even though some of them are pretty ehh -___- sometimes, nonetheless they are pretty chill & I can't wait to inherit the section leader title. <3 I'll promise that I won't let my section down and I'll be there for them whenever they need me. My favorite thing about marching band is not the long practices (hahaha) but the bus rides to our competitions. I really get to know people through bus rides. Sometimes I can get loud & obnoxious, but I love heart-to-heart convos on the bus rides. It really let's me get to know the people. Even though, marching band hurts physically, it makes up for it mentally <3 . We're just one big familyyy ; I LOVE YOU GUYS♥. Do work! PART III: WIND ENSEMBLE //  Wind Ensemble is pretty challenging in my opinion..this is probably because I suck, lol T.T I do look foward to improve my playing ability and practice more. Sometimes I just get soo lazy and I start to not care anymore. A conflict that I suffer severely is insecurity & lack of self confidence. This allows me to get extremely nervous when I have to play my part (get tested) in front of the whole class. It makes me feel nervous especially. If I'm practicing alone, I can do it. But once I'm put in front of an audience I keep feeling like I'm inadequate, or I'll play the wrong note and embarrass myself. I'll eventually get over this, and it is then that I can achieve greatness.

|| Happiness :: What happiness? Ok, I'll be honest. Yes it is really cute when couples are walking the hallway all huggy, it's cute when I watch dramas and the two characters are falling in love with each other (it's adorable!) but honestly it makes me jealous. Why can't I be happy for once? Where's my fairytale? When can I hold hands with the person I lovee down the hallways? When will it be my turn? Maybe it's too early, as they all say. But I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of this emptiness, I'm tired of waking up knowing that I'm going to school alone. No hugs, no quick kisses...womp-__- No one to watch the sunset with. -sigh- When will this misery end? I'm tired living in a dream world.

// That is all for today. :) I'm glad I can finally let it all out.